Results Day!

So another year of education under the strain of the great british government comes to an end in the form of results day.Now me personally i've given up on life i was always dedicated to becoming a professional lottery winner or something else like a pro motocross rider, or i was going to meet Travis Pastrana and we would just so happen to be friends. From that I go moto freestyling with him then im just so good he makes me go professional and the rest follows after.


Sadly life doesnt just give you things. You have to stick your nose so far up the arse of life until it decides to fart you out a little bit of hope to keep you happy. but hey! Thats life and i wouldnt want it any other way. Currently im writing this blog entry from work. It seems all so more often that im writing them from work. Maybe i will get fired then lose the best job ive ever had. Anyway back to results day. for millions of kids and young adults today marks the end of an era and the beginning of a long and hopefully for many prosporous future ahead of them.

However. The end has many means and those means are very often clouded by thousands of girl on their facebook wall crying about how they will run away and if they dont get into that university they really wanted because it has that course they really like and OMG it also has that HOT guy who works in the university canteen who given the chance in freshers week would TOTALLY fucks the shit out of him. The many quiet weeks interuppted with last minute calls for help as the final few days draw in. The sudden daunting fact that this shit that you've been doing for the last 13 years of your life IS actually REAL and apparantly does have some effect, not always, but some role to play in the outcome of your life. It can help decide  if you live in that gorgeous 4 bed detached 100 year old cottage close enough to town and the local school is just perfect for little children to lean their, A,B,C's at!

Those that are not religious start praying as they decide that maybe the revision you did could have been a little bit better if you just managed to focus on that subject instead of playing xbox with your manager season taking bury all the way to the premier league, or throughout study leave it wasnt about having the house to yourself for peace and quiet whilst you revised. It was all about having it empty so you could crack one out on countless porn sites until you were out of breath and your shaft was red fucking raw!

Hoiwever, despite all those things and for me personally how much i hated next to every minute of my school career and i will not take much along with me to start the next part of my life. But. one thing i can be glad of is the copiuos amounts of ridiclious and funny times things happened that being homeschooled would have meant you missed out on some of the most essential events and skills in life. Most of all though is the tight friendships i have forged which i cetainly intend to keep until i become old and i barely remember how to use the toilet.

Results day is just the end to the means, so even if you havent gained those grades you wanted, just think about it. The result you've achieved for real is not on paper its something more special than that and with that individual and very personal result you have proved to yourself you are capable and dealing with that destress is your first challenge in your new life.

What A Start!

So my first blog post on my new blog is a souly depressing one in which i can only descrive my pain and misfortune of losing my god damn fucking wallet! now if it's not my mates car im truely F'd in the A. I will say sorry now for the bad use of language its just times like these that swearing was probably invented for. But my sincere apologies go out if i harmed you ears and minds.

So i went for a Nando's last night and being vegetarian its a hard task. It took me about half an hour to find the vegetarian stuff i nearly just gave up and ate a whole chicken! Anyway im telling you this as im tracing my steps. I had my wallet there so i cant have left it there as i also had it afterwards when i purchased a bottle of water and some sweets. We then got in the car and drove to a carpark where we met up with everyone so we could plan what to do that night (last night).

In the end a game of Manhunt was decided. Now i must stress at this point that we are a group of 18 year olds who found a bit of magic from the depths of our childhood and all of a sudden i was 10 years old again and the most important thing in my life was getting home and not having someone lay a hand on me to say the dreaded words of "manhunt!".

So we were playing manhunt for a couple of hours across and expance which is rather alrge for a small game of manhunt. It was at asda park. nowfor those of you who dont know the area ill put up a map and you can see where abouts this wallet could be. and if you pin point where it is i'll personally come all the way to your house with chocolate and flowers and buy you a drink. If you dont drink sweets. if you dont eat sweets a nice fresh loaf of bread! Either way this area was quite large and well with me being a 10 year old i didnt care much for my life as my lie was getting home. Now my jeans i've just bought are pretty tight on me so i cant see how anything would have fallen out. If my keys managed to stay in my back pocket then how didnt my wallet! That thing would have been so closely pressed up against my arse that not even a kings cross station pickpocket would have a chance at it, and neither would those guys and girl from The Real Hustle.

So about round 3 of manhunt me and 2 others had a solid position to get home from. Unfortunately it all went tits up when we dropped guard and we were being the hunted. Like a david attenborough documentary the lions were after us and us the gazelle did what they do everytime. Stop for a second, shit themselves and then run like the wind! i did that until i was faced with a hedge. I remembered from earlier that there was a gap somewhere on the bush but it wasnt all that obvious and nor was it in pitch black darkness with only the moon and about 4 shitty street lights 3 of which couldnt have been more than 5 watts. There i am running at the bush then a 50/50 chance i will make it through the hedge, all i need to do ic choose the right gap. I'll tell you this now. I didnt. I chose very badly! i jumped into a sharp hedgerow only to be thrown back out of it. I now have war wounds for the dedication of getting home. Shame i 'have that kind of respect and passion for my belongings! Sadly at that time for me, i didn't.

Now i retraced my steps and i have a map with a perimeter made of where it could be. This is just one of 4 locations i visited last night so this is stage 1. But i weighed up the stats and im most likely to have lost in here. here is a map courtesy of google maps.

The red dots highlight the places i did things and movements in which i could have lost it. The big circle represents the perimeter of where i went that fateful night.

My injury is to the left. The evil bush may have won this time but my body heals in time and then i shall go back and cut down that bush!










My wallet is still missing somewhere in the wilderness. He's scared and lonely and i just pray for his safety and my identity. The moral of the story is don't play manhunt with a wallet in your pocket instead put it down at home in a draw or a safe and just come out with 3 quid. That way it's not a loss if you happen to drop it all.

Thankyou for reading, if you made it this long. im not sure why anyone would even want to read this shit but its kinda fun to make. Adios! Ciao! Goodbye!